That night, we slept in each others arm – I shivering and he regretting for bringing the rapist into our home. Though a lot was running through our minds, none of us uttered a word, we maintain our calm and suffered alone in our head.
The next morning, Adisa took me to the clinic for a proper check up and to have my womb flushed. The doctor ran some tests and affirmed that I was three weeks pregnant. A form of bewilderment flowed through Adisa’s face. He didn’t say anything and we went back home to our normal life; and the additional thoughts of bringing a child into this mess.
Unfortunately, I lost the pregnant three months before its due date and that at least covered for the new mess that may have emanated from trying to explain the paternity of the baby. I also lost some weight but it at least brought Adisa closer back to me.
These days, he hugged me closer and kissed me more affectionately like a true lover should. When we sleep, he cuddled me from behind – that whatever demon that sneak into my nightmare would know I have a supporter. For a long time, I was happy and wished things would continue this way.
It didn’t. One innocent evening, Adisa and I were together on the couch smooching and doing what lovers do. He told me that we should make love since it’s been aeon we did that. I was happy that finally my husband is still interested in my body.
He suggested we try something new and I was open to the idea at first. To my shock, he wanted to have anal sex and the thought alone disgusted me to the bone. He told me that’s the only thing he wanted and after hesitating for a while, I gave in.
We had the painful madness with him panting like a madman on rampage and I crying beneath him. That night, I couldn’t sleep. Visions of Tolu and however he made love to my husband tormented me to the bone.
The next day, we had the same anal sex and I was hoping that I will learn to enjoy it but I didn’t. Adisa was however savouring the moment and I did it and moan back to please him. After the sex, I would go to the toilet and weep my soul out. Tears refuse to come and my soul felt like the sands of the Sahara – silt and light.
We continued this madness everyday and I got used to it. And it brought Adisa closer too. This was better than he bringing another man-wife into our home. He is my husband and I have to satisfy his fantasy. I felt it was an expensive sacrifice to pay to finally my man to myself and I was glad my nightmare was finally over. I was wrong.
I started falling sick after and was hospitalised thrice. The doctor in their ingenuity decided to run an HIV test. The idea alone shocked me to the marrow and I shuddered at the thought of what my life would become if I turned out positive. My heart pounced like a running panther. What would become of my life now if I turned out positive?
The result came out fast. I died several times before the doctor could read out the result. “Mrs Adisa,” he called with a dispassionate look on his face, “You’re HIV..” I didn’t hear what he said next before I fainted and wish I wouldn’t wake to face this nightmare. But the doctor resuscitated me and told me my test result.