Fortunately for me, the doctor said I was negative but my immune system was too low like one with HIV. I was worried but a little bit relieved that I was not officially HIV yet. The doctor placed me on anti-retroviral drugs and insisted I asked my husband to see him.
Adisa was hesitant to go but he eventually did after much persuasion from me. He came back with much drugs than I was given but he didn’t show me his result as he said he was troubled by the suspense and counselling. I had no need to doubt him since I was also a victim of it the other day.
To share him up, I gave him a massage and he was soon back to his cheerful best – kissing and fondling like he does in the hay days of our marriage. That very night, we made love – and not the obligatory ritual sex that we have been having for a year now.
Things turn out for best afterwards. He was more calm and more punctual at home. Buying me gifts and telling me how much he loved me and our daughter. I felt loved and appreciated and wish my marriage would grow on this pedestal. I was wrong.
I got sick again, barely two months after my HIV test. The doctor was surprised that I was pregnant. I was happy and the doctor was a little bit shocked by my reactions. He asked, “did Adisa not tell you his HIV status?” I was shocked beyond comprehension and did not know when I passed out.
When I woke up, the doctor reaffirmed that I was pregnant and I was HIV positive. He did not need to tell me that I got it from my selfish bastard husband. I was irate and left the hospital instantly.
On my way home, a lot of crazy thoughts ran through my head. So Adisa could do this to me. Upon all the love and devotion I gave to him, this is all he could repay me with me. I thought of buying a new knife or full bottle of Snipper pesticide but decided to get only the bottle of pesticide. By the time time I arrived home, all the thought in my mind agreed that Adisa does not deserves to live.
I entered into a our apartment to the sudden shock that Adisa was not back from work. Kike was nowhere to be found. I searched and combed through every chambers of the flat, no one else is at home. I collapsed into the living room chair where a scribbled letter was waiting for me on the table.
I shuddered at the thought of a letter. Letters relay any good news and Adisa had never written any for me before. Is this the final break up letter? Has he eloped with our daughter?
“Dear love. I am sorry I have to write this to you. I know by now that there’s nothing that I am writing here that is new to you. I am HIv positive and my presence would have been demoralising to you if I had stayed longer. I am sorry for the past three years and I am grateful for the wonderful gift you have given to me. I am leaving for this gift and I am leaving with it.”
“Please don’t look for me as you would never find me. I also beg for your forgiveness. And if you are unable to forgive me, I do pray that you will take pleasure in the fact that I have always loved you. Take care wife.”
By the time I was through reading the letter, I had lost every grain of soul left in me. The letter and every letters in it drained the life out of me. I dragged my body into kitchen and pour myself a mug of Snipper pesticide. I picked up a knife and thought of the best way to end all this.
I hastily gulped the mug of pesticide before I could change my mind. While waiting for death, I read the details of the pesticide. It expired three months ago. Feeling tired, I crawled back to the living room in search of the new poison I’d specifically bought for Adisa. I was feeling the pain already.
A familiar face opened the door and Adisa paced into the living room. He planted a kiss on my forehead and hurried into his chambers, picked some folders and ran to wherever he was coming from. I wanted to tell him to go to hell but my soul was already heading there.
In my head, I prayed that God would keep him alive for our daughter and that life would serve him whatever he deserves afterwards. I was about to pray for God’s forgiveness when my soul slipped out of my tongue. The light fades out of my eyes and everything came to an abrupt end.